Replicare

"The memories of destruction echo inside me
Now I am unable to run away
Trapped in sorrow, tied to anguish
Wandering in eternal night

In this broken world, stillness is scattered
A blue flame surges onward
Darkness of the night is buried in an inescapable nightmare
Confused hearts are distorted and driven chaotic

The hours of madness are cursing me
Breaking me, bonding me, that day comes again and again"

...No hidden meaning. Don't go looking for one.

I'm going to bed. Good night.

See you in the morning.

Ardent Love

...that didn't turn out like I expected.

Checked my inbox this morning and there was a message from my Dad. He'd gone over to his coworker's house to check on the guy and just hang out. He dozed off there and when he woke up, the guy was gone with his keys. Guess I'd just missed Dad when I climbed out the window.

My folks... they're not mad. They just want me to come home or let them know that I'm all right. ...Sent a message back letting them know that I'm alive and well. But I don't think I want to go home.

Not yet. Call it paranoia or something.

Robert... what happened to you?

Disembark

End of the road for me.

...And for the record, I always think of myself as Amelia. Never a Sage. Just... me. Been thinking about titles a lot during the train ride. Well, that and how bloody COLD it is outside of Arizona. Seriously. I take back all bitching I ever did about my hometown and winter.

Bah. Getting my backpack as soon as this posts. Catch you all once I hit a coffee place or a motel or something.

...Some quiet time wouldn't hurt.

Magnet

I am thankful for a father who watches horror movies with me and taught me how to build a computer from scratch.

I am thankful for a mother who loves sushi as much as I do and who taught me how to make chocoloate chip pecan cookies.

I am thankful for a sister who protected me from bullies as a child and who geeks out about comic books.

I am thankful for Robert and Jay and Shaun.

I am thankful for Zero and Maduin and Jean and Nessa and Reach and everyone who I've met since opening up this blog.

I am thankful that light exists even in the chaos of an unraveling life.

See you at the end of the tracks, zero. And don't worry. I'll have a creme soda with me like I promised.

Boarding's starting. See you then.

BossDeath

Can't kill me if I stay in the busiest areas of the city, now, can you? Spent all afternoon near the municipal courthouse. Lunch at the sandwich shop across the street. The one filled with lawyers. And now I'm in one the busiest bars in all of town.

Fuck you if you think you'll catch me. I know this city like the back of my hands. I've lived here for over 20 years. By the time you figure out where I am? I'll be long gone and safely out of your reach.

Go tell It that. Go tell It that Amelia Clark is not giving up.

And go suck on that, Agents.

"Mamoritakatta no wa
Shizukana asu to
Kaasan ga tsukuru
Attakai SOUP

Sougen de naiteta koro
Motteta hazu no kokoro
Daiji datta mono ga nidoto
Mou kaeranainara"

Power of Dream

Marble, table salt, green food coloring, cold water. Why does that work? Is it the marble? A precise balance of basic chemicals? The food coloring?

Would pink salt work, or does it have to be plain table salt? Can iodized salt work? What about other food colors? Does the water have to be cold, or will warm water work better?

It slows it temporarily. For a while, but not for good. A stopgap measure. It's good. I can't deny that. For now, I'll base my work for a cure off of what Robert's provided. Better to work with what we've got before striking out on my own. ...I just realized who I sound like with that. Jay'd probably laugh his ass off at little old me playing at scientist.

The only way to try this is to... to have no other choice. And it's risky to test it. One screw-up, one reversed effect, and someone's life is over because of me.

I don't want to think about that right now.

The Legend of Green Eyes

I still have hope. Funny. I woke up real early this morning. I mean, really early. And I got myself a cup of coffee (milk, two sugars), went out to my side yard, sat on the wall, and watched the sun come up over the mountains. Just me and the morning. Me and a new day.

I dunno. It just... it feels good to sit up and watch the sunrise sometimes. Makes me feel like no matter how crummy things may get in the future, there's still so much good in the world. And It can't take that away from me. The good things will always be here.

I'm thankful.

(The title came from this, which was playing on my iPod radio when I woke up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5U1THLG6ZQ)

Sage

He's gone. Robert is gone. Off to do his duty.

Shaun hasn't spoken in a long time, so it's safe to assume that he's gone, too. Taken or on the run, I don't know. I hope he's still out there, running.


They're gone.

"And I find myself questioning all that I have done
And I'm trying to press the button to rewind
And I find myself whispering "There's more I could have done"
And I wish I had the option to rewind"

Feint

Still here, folks. Still living.

I haven't seen It since that night. Starting to think maybe It wasn't actually stalking me. Maybe less "you're next" and more "I know where you live, so stop learning." ...Yeah, and maybe flamingos will land on my house and start doing a can-can routine. Or maybe It wasn't there for me in the first place. Maybe It was there for my neighbor's daughter, and my coming out of the house when I did was unforeseen. Weirder and crazier things have happened, after all.

...Haven't been sleeping too good since then. Been leaving my bedroom door open to let in some light. Just a way to chase off monsters under the bed, I guess. Like when my sister and I were kids and we thought that the monsters wouldn't come out unless we stuck our feet out from under the blankets. ...You believe some crazy shit when you're little.

Let's hope tonight brings some good dreams.

Frost

Getting cooler here. Summer's over now for sure. Fall. ...The 26th isn't that far away now. Wonder what I'll be doing that day. Probably the same thing as always: studying about CPUs and overclocking and virtual memory.

And two men will be in the air, flying on borrowed wings away from a threat that has no face and a name I won't speak. It exists. I believe what Robert and Shaun and Jay (God rest his soul) said. It exists. The thing in the suit that has no face.

And will It come to one of us, I wonder? It's stalking the guys. Who's to say It won't start pursuing one of the commentators next? ...Bah. I shouldn't think about that. Cross that bridge when and if it comes to that. If It comes to that.

...This is why I don't stay up late. Now you know.